I thought I share with you a piece of my mind right now, what I've been going through and 'partly' the reason why I'm not so often blogging anymore. And maybe something people can relate to.
There's one point in your life that you either have already dealt with or probably going to in the (near) future (or maybe not for the lucky ones). I call it the quarter-life-crisis. I'm dealing with it right now. After I graduated from my bachelor's degree, I started thinking about what I wanted to do next. Usually you continue with the master's right after you graduate from you bachelors. At that point I started to question everything. I felt like I'm doing these things because it's what the rules are and what people expect me to do, but not something I know I want.
Something I can use to reach my goals.
But what are my goals? What do I want to achieve in my life? What's my passion?
I've been struggling with this my whole life maybe not as 'deep' as that but it's in the little things when I need to make decisions in my life, not life decisions but small stuff like what to choose from the menu or what shoes to wear. I've always been the hesitater. And it's become so far that I start doubting myself in everything I do. Another thing is that I like to do pretty much everything from sewing and designing clothes to setting up my own foodtruck. Combine both things and you get a hot mess alright. What you get is me telling 'I want to be an illustrator' one day and 'I want to design furniture' the other, without doing something really about it. Not going after it is probably the worst thing I can do, cause you definitely fail if you don't even try. But I still want to find something that I truly feel passionate about.
So how do I extinguish 'liking to do something' to 'following my passion' ? I've been reading this book by Po Bronson called "What should I do with my life?" (yeah how more accurate can it be?), it's a book full of stories about people who have faced the same question. One story stuck with me. Noah has been struggling with finding what he's passionate about. He had ten jobs in 8 years spread over six cities in four different states. He believes that everyone has a unique gift to give the world, so what's his? Where is his passion at? He asked this question to the author and the next thing the author said is something I find inspirational and something I can hold on to.
"Some people are born into their passions. Some never get them and don't care. But I think if you're really struggling to find it, it's almost certainly for a reason. I think the depth of your struggling, is the sign there's something there. Something in you that's trying to get out."
It's okay to not have everything figured out yet, but it's something I need to keep looking for. Try something else, do something new, meet new and interesting people.
So what now? I almost don't dare to say it, because then it's official and something I really have to go after. Okay, here it goes. I'm leaving for Taipei. As in Taiwan, as in a different continent, as in a different culture, as in a different language for at least three months (probably six months). For some it may be nothing really, but for me it's scary as hell. I've never really lived alone and never been far from my family and friends, so doing this is a big step for me and I believe that it will do me good. I'm planning to study Mandarin there beginning from December, but I'll have to be there mid November already. So a lot of stuff to arrange beforehand and I hope everything will go as planned. I'll still be posting here about fashion but I'll include my journey to Taiwan as well.
Have anyone of you struggled with this as well? And how did you deal with it?
x J.
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